Elephantine Consciousness

I wear an elephant broach on the left shoulder of my black french button up every winter. In the summer, there is no place on my clothing thick enough to hold the trunk, or the roundness of its body, dented with fake jewels that shimmer like real diamonds under the brooklyn sun. When I have had two or more drinks of the most delicious raspberry lambic beer, I lift my little gold elephant to my ear and pretend it speaks sweet words of joy into my ear. Like a child, I pretend it sings to me every morning, as it coats my body with warmth.

And inbetween these moments of golden gobbles, I spend far too many hours lounging...time when I could have been writing my application essays, or studying for my test in April. Time when I could be meditating on my next crucial step. It makes me feel terribly guilty. But soon today I woke knowing that while in this time of haze and headaches from the commercials, or the crappy local news about the slew of enraged citizens with the Mayor's poor response to the blizzard of 2010, I am calm, and okay in my response. All of the sleep was needed, the extra pieces of chocolate, necessary. The home-made dishes, a golden gobble indeed.

And on a night like last night, I watched a special on CBS about the Kennedy Center's Honours for the year of 2010. Oprah Winfrey, Paul McCartney and Obama sat like regal gems, soaking in the honour with humble love. They cried to their tributes, and kissed the sky with white gloves, and golden bands wrapped around their fingers. I watched God emanate from their beings, and that same God in them rests in me. The difference? They thought BIG. I imagined what the energy must have felt like being in a room of our world's true leaders.

And this theme runs through my blood. Think big, GINORMOUS thoughts, all the time. I spoke of this over dinner a few nights before, after a table talk about all of our plans for the year of 2011. Unknown to my consciousness at the time, I said that if I want to help thousands, or perhaps one day, millions of people, I have to think BIG, prodigal thoughts of magnanimous proportions. Do I want to work in Africa, give workshops to hundreds of people? Sing again? Help many families? Publish many books? Speak from love and passion every minute of every waking day, fully conscious and forgetful of the lowly powers of fear?

If I want to truly perform acts of heaven on earth with all of the people I meet in my life, I must take on angelic wings and leave the fear to the floor, as I pick up new ideas in coffee shops, on the bus to work, or when I am with children, who know no limits. I have to manifest a circle of people in my life who know this about me and are not afraid of it. I will walk alone, as well, to this goal, and happily so.

I will heighten my consciousness by making goals each day, of every hour. I will dream of large buildings, soft pages of my own written wonderment, and be the love that I can give. I will start to imagine my organization's name, the outlines of my books, the smell of the printed pages. I will imagine a spouse who holds my hand in all of these endeavors, and adds their own flavor to their purpose in life, as it will blend splendidly with my own.

If I want to experience love in this magnitude, I must give it in equal proportion.

And I will love myself humbly, as I love all of you. And I will remember when I am lounging, low, or down, that where I am and what I do along the way will build upon this steep and complex mountain of consciousness, with many roads, curves, and fresh pine trees, until I make it to where I want to be. And it will be more than enough.

And when I am scared, sad or feeling uncertain, I will listen to the whispers of my little elephant, my source--guiding me with divine love, and white light.

I will see its' jewels cast rainbows on the wall, and know in the power of now.