From A to B to C: for Stephanie, with Love

The children were all uneasy, eating cold pizza from Mama Gino's and anticipating our long awaited canoeing trip on the last day of school. Fourth grader Ashley wanted more than anything to be in a canoe with me.

"You are big and strong Ms. Wolford and you won't let me fall in!" Ashley said, gripping her neon green sparkled shirt in anticipation. I love Ashley for her kindness to others and for maintaining a keen interest in our science experiments. She always reminded me to bring in prizes for the top students, but I told her that a prize meant nothing compared to her intelligence. I knew the comment would resonate with Ashley as she moves onto middle school in the fall. She most definitely thought about it as she rested her head on my shoulder, calming her fears before her first canoeing trip and the two of us knowing, in our hearts of hearts, that we may never see each other again after the trip was over. It was on all of our minds, and the many kind words and hugs that were exchanged that day were never quite enough, as more and more children were picked up at the end of the day and removed from my classroom.

All the little ones in kindergarten walked out of the boys and girls bathroom, sporting their bathing suits and completely forgetting their tshirts and shorts in the stalls. One little girl came out of the bathroom, revealing both buttocks on purpose, and in a squealing bit of laughter, she ran up and down the hall, totally and completely limitless, and I let her, because that moment was hers to have and hers alone.

And when I think of 4th grader Stephanie, I will forever send love her way, and pray for her health, wealth, and happiness.

"I only made a C in Math Ms. Wolford" she said, her long black hair strung over her eyes to cover the build up of disappointment. She whispered to me as though it were a deep secret that she trusted enough to tell me.

It was the two of us, among three others waiting to be picked up near the end of the day.

"Stephanie, let me tell you something about me. I used to get grades that made me very happy, and grades in math that upset me. I would come home crying and not understanding what I was doing wrong, " I said.

Stephanie inched her seat closer to mine. I continued;

"So I started asking my teacher why I got the grade that I did. And sometimes, I would agree with them, but most of the time, I didn't because as I began to ask why more and more, I found that the answers came from me instead" I said.

Stephanie was silent. I gave it a few seconds and went on.

"And your C, and my D, and those jumbled in A's and B's will always be part of our school life. You will see them again and again Stephanie, but they cannot, and will not, be the mark that defines you," I said.

I had the flow and I wasn't sure if I was saying the right thing here or if I would get in trouble for motivating her to see grades in a new light. I never knew with the wackiness of administration and school laws if I were crossing the line, but I didn't care because in this moment it was pure synchronicity--Stephanie was hurting and my experiences might plant a seed of new thought. This was my moment to potentially guide her along into middle school.

We started by looking through old boxes of free workbook giveaways from the teacher's of the charter school's past. There were hardly any with 5th grade mathematics, but we lucked out by finding a BrainQuest for 5th Grade. There was a fabulous math section with all sorts of fun questions for Stephanie. She was glowing and she rummaged through the books.

"When our parents, teachers, and friends can't tell us the answers, we have to find them on our own," I said, shuffling through the dusty books.

"I can study these over the summer Ms. Wolford. I will know some facts that I'm sure will come up in math!" Stephanie said.

And in this moment, I felt like I had gotten through. The seed was planted and Stephanie was already, within a matter of ten minutes or less, changing the way she saw herself and the world around her.

Her mother at last picked her up, begging her to hurry up with gathering her belongings. Stephanie ran up to her mother and started showing her the BrainQuest math questions.

"I can study these," Stephanie said.

Her mother shook her head and carried on with her conversation on the phone. She hadn't known the shift Stephanie was experiencing, but the secret was sealed so tight that no one would know except for us, the strength we shared--the perfection of the moments we created together. And as Stephanie came up to me to say goodbye, her eyes began to swell, but this time it was for this moment--our moment of empowerment.

"This is our secret Stephanie--remember when you go to middle school that you, and only you will know the power of your own intelligence; only you know how much you are worth and no one else can ever determine that. Always remember that you have the power to be whoever you want to be" I said.

Stephanie crossed her heart, zippered her lips shut, and quickly ran off to find her mother.

I took a moment to thank the universe for the magnificence that just occurred. I marveled in the moment that finally came, and at last, I found my purpose.

And if in these moments where I shine the most, where the conversation flows and the heart beats at the thought of infinite possibilities, then I welcome the promising future ahead of me and give thanks to my creators--my parents who gave me this chance to grow with all the children I have met along the way.


Victory is free, and I am soaring.